Years back I read many books on marriage. Then I wasn’t planning of getting married. It was moment of youthful exuberance channelled towards voracious reading. Many of such marriage or courtship books came in fancy covers with amazing titles, compelling enough to make one buy.
As I continued in this adventure of marriage books, I discovered many theories and principles though mind blowing to my evolving and infantile mind then, which today are obsolete and unfounded.
Those books sadly would neither find their way to my library nor get my attention to flip through them now.
For more than a decade, I have lived through the challenges, the huddles, the pains, the difficulties, the joy, the happiness and the glory of marriage.
I have seen what marriage is from a pragmatic dimension far removed from the hype and razzmatazz of motivational writings.
If you are thinking of getting to know the ten reasons marriages fail from me, you might however wait for eternity.
There are no such reasons and principles. If there are, many great marriages that fell like pack of cards after many years of blissful moments wouldn’t have.
Money, sex, attitude, affection, children etc have over the years seen as indispensable factors for marriage to thrive.
Many marriages have been seen to crumb with all these present as many have equally survived with many of factors absent.
As many marriages have crumbled in affluence many have equally survived in poverty. As many have failed with plenty children around their table, many have equally thrived in childlessness. As many have gone their separate ways in romance and sexual satisfaction, a lot have strived through the challenges of sexual dysfunctions and non performance.
The recent divorce notification of Bill and Melinda Gate is a scary reality of the none principles for marriage survival.
For twenty seven years, the lived a seeming blissful marriage. A union weaved around with children, fringed with wealth, seasoned with love and affection as seen by their pictorial postures.
From a distance their marriage could easily pass for an ideal one, lacking in all the human principles that could possibly rock the boat of a marriage.
Many may have envied them, wished to be like them and carved them in their minds as ideal husband and wife they would love to become.
Such is marriage, always greener the other side.
The truth is, no marriage is an ideal to form the basis for a wishful thinking of it being ones portion. It can be ideal to the extent that it makes the couples in it happy , striving and pushing until death do them apart.
Marriage is a very dicey and delicate institution. It can be enjoyable and blissfully refreshing, however, the pains and thorns that hide under roses and its fragrances can be tricky, choking the very life of the union when nobody expects it.
We all carry our crosses and lick our honey in marriage. None is without the two no matter how small.
The honey of one may be the thorn of another. While the pain of one may be the joy of another.
The worse thing that can happen to anyone is to look ones marriage through the lens of another. Our lenses are different, our binoculars diverse. Chose your lens and binoculars, adjust them to the size of your marriage to avoid looking beyond your joy, pains and challenges to the space of another person’ marriage. Things either good or bad are not really what they seem to be. Life oftentimes is a mirage.
In marriage the rich also cry. Marriage is a powerful vocation, a threat to powers and principalities. Until death do you apart, singing Uhuru in marriage may be utopian, anything can just happen… The Bill and Melinda Gate dilemma.
Grace will help us!